22 Mar 2006

Excellent Quotes...

[1] Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

[2] I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

[3] Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest
woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

[4] The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

[5] Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

[6] Be careful about reading health books. You may
die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

[7] What would men be without women? Scarce,
sir...mighty scarce.
- Mark Twain

[8] By all means, marry. If you get a good wife,
you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

[9] I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

[10] My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

[11] The male is a domestic animal which, if treated
with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
- Jilly Cooper (who is Jilly Cooper?)

[12] I have never hated a man enough to give his
diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

[13] Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass
all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

[14] Don't go around saying the world owes you a
living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain

[15] My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying.
- Ed Furgol

[16] Money can't buy you happiness... but it does
bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

[17] What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you
- Henny Youngman

[18] I am opposed to millionaires .. but it would be
dangerous to offer me the position.
- Mark Twain

[19] Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was
shut up.
- Joe Namath

[20] Youth would be an ideal state if it came a
little later in life.
- Herbert Henry Asquith

[21] I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until
noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

[22] I never drink water because of the disgusting
things that fish do in it
- WC. Fields

[23] We could certainly slow the ageing process down
if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

[24] Don't worry about avoiding temptation ... as
you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

[25] Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.. but
everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

[26] The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.

- Unknown

[27] By the time a man is wise enough to watch his
step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal


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