14 Nov 2005

Starting my day today...

3 Brazilian soldiers
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, president looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"


Up...
It's no wonder people can't master the English language! There is a 2 letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other word, and that is "UP"

It's easy to understand UP meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election, and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers, and clean UP.

We lock UP the house, and fix things UP.

At other times UP has special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning, but close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now. My time is UP, so
I'll shut UP!


THE IMAGES OF MOTHER:
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother, She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman, She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom once more.

Send this to Mum...


THE MECHANIC & THE HEART SURGEON
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in. When I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks? You and I are doing basically the same work."

The surgeon smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing that with the engine running."

Got these from my e-mail... :-)

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