Glad I’m a Man

I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe.

I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.
I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.

I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair

and I don’t go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don’t whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I’m glad I’m a man, I’m so glad I could sing.
I don’t have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don’t gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don’t carry our differences into the sack.

I’ll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there’s trying to steal you.
I’m rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think it’s a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It’s more fun than dealing with women after all.

I won’t cry if you figure out it’s not going to work
I won’t remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won’t assume it’s permanent by any measure.

Yes, I’m glad I’m a man, a man you see
I’m glad I’m not capable of child delivery.
I don’t get all bitchy every 28 days
I’m glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
I’m a man by chance and I’m thankful it’s true
I’m so glad I’m a man and not a woman like you!